27 September 2009

i couldn't imagine...

...being relaxed.

which is so weird, considering that i've spent the majority of my life thus far being relaxed. but to quote lauryn, "i've never been in love like this before."

i'll be honest: my relaxed hair SUCKED. breakage left and right, chemical burns, limp, thin hair. seemed like it would never grow and to compensate, i cut it one summer and then cut it the next. thinking about it, my hair did grow back pretty nicely from the one summer i cut it shortshortshort. but relaxed hair, unless you know how to properly take care of it, blows. your ends are thin, all you know is to keep it straight, your hair is just dry, whack, and not as fly as you think it is. at least, this was the case for me and from the looks of a few young girls around my way, that's the case for them too.

i'll keep being honest: whenever i see a girl with choppy, abused, relaxed, thin, dry hair...i simultaneously feel sorry and superior than her. i know that sounds horrible, but why shouldn't i? i may have a twa, but my hair is luscious, thick, curly, strong, and healthy. i don't necessarily feel better because i'm natural, but because my hair is healthier. maybe it's not even that i feel better than her, as much as it is that i feel better about myself. but as long as she's happy with herself and the hair on her head, how i feel has absolutely no effect on either of us and we keep it moving.

before people take it the wrong way, and just in case some have already (not that many people read my blog, but here's a little disclaimer) this is in no way bashing those who choose to relax their hair. there are many women out there with thick, healthy, shiny, gorgeous relaxed hair. i've seen it. it's when i see a jacklaxed sister that i begin to feel any kind of way. oh, well.

the point of this post was to say that even though i have been relaxed, i can't imagine ever going back and i'm surprised i didn't go natural sooner. i can only imagine how miserable my relaxed hair would've made me. way too many problems and not enough patience for any solutions. i would've gotten so fed up. i never considered going natural until a few months ago and i am so grateful that i did. i love every single strand on my head (even those crazy ones that stick out pin straight).

i feel so much more comfortable in my skin and my confidence has shot through the roof. i feel sexy, natural, happy, and just amazing. and i guess that comes from having something so uniquely my own - no one in the world has a texture like mine. my hair is beautiful and no one can tell me different. my options are endless and i'll say it - naturals have a versatility that relaxed heads do not have. relaxed hair can't revert to a head full of lush, springy coils with just a spray bottle. and even relaxed heads still have to straighten and flat iron, just to keep their already straight hair straight.

everyone's hair is different - everyone. but to me, straight hair (not even relaxed hair) is not really any different from the last head of straight hair. now, there's differences in thickness, cut, density, etc., but those differences aren't really that significant (TO ME). but with being natural, each head of hair is uniquely different from the next and it SHOWS.

i don't even care if what i'm saying is PC, or mean, or just all kinds of wrong. i only care about the transformation my hair has caused in me.

i don't even know what i'm trying to say... just felt like writing.

22 September 2009

natural mistakes. . . (and me looking "puerto rican")

as much as i love being natural, i am learning that there are things that you just don't do. what i love, however, is that i'm not blaming my hair for any of its dryness or poofiness. it's working with me the best it can, and like me, it has its down days. instead of wallowing and "punishing" my dear TWA by letting it remain dry, i need to take care of it and give it the tlc it needs.

but anyway, yeah, what you don't do? muss around in the back of your head, thinking you've found a mother of a single strand knot. first off, common sense would tell you that no SINGLE strand of hair is that thick (you're grabbing at multiple strands, girl, dang!). second, if you can't tug it out the first, second, or third... (shame, i know) time, then you need to stop. not grab and yank it out. imagine my surprise when i found four-five crazy strands of hair instead of the one i swore i was plucking! all twisted and kinky and banding together at the end to make a knot that wasn't really a knot at all and unravels itself with a single tug. sigh... like i said, i'm learning.

still need to take pictures to update my two months, but my hair is definitely getting longer and the longer it gets, the more unruly! my curls, however, aren't as small as when i first BC'ed and clump together around my halo (nape, edges, sides). my strands are thick and wiry near the ends, but so frigging soft near the roots. i'm also out of my mango butter and homemade hair cream and i'm wondering just what i'm going to do next. don't feel like making more. no money to go splurge (while my list steadily grows). hoping my beloved shea butter will do me right. but i have gotten several compliments the past two weeks that my hair is growing, which is always surprising. i mean, yeah, I know my hair is, but i never assume others notice because my hair curls back on itself. but if others are noticing enough to comment, it means something's going on up there in my noggin. fabulous.

anyone who knows me knows i can't wait for the day that i possess an afro as massive and beautiful as this young lady: (and really, so in love with her hair). i'm so
grateful to have such astrong support system. my family supports me (a few are really into the whole natural thing) and my friends
compliment me often ("you look puerto rican in this one, girrrrl") and i'm just loving the whole thing. a good friend of mine just went
natural today and is it sad that i'm happy we can geek out on natural hair together. (and this blog post will also serve as a date holder so we can celebrate her first nappiversary when she gets to it). and my
boyfriend's sister had the most luscious twists in her hair this past
weekend... ohmygoodness, they were beautiful.


11 September 2009


time really does fly when you're having fun and i'm so in love with my hair, a year will be here before i even know it. i've been natural two months now! so excited.

i know a lot of people say "oh my hair doesn't define me" and "i am not my hair," and that's all well and good, but i feel as though being natural is something I AM. being natural is something i take pride in and is something i do, something i live and love.

my hair is a
great representation of me, inside and out. it's funky, coily, wild and fun. it can be a little dry sometimes, and difficult to work it, but with some tlc and patience, it's as soft as silk. it has its messy days and its pretty days. my curls are springy - some longer than others (and they stand out, too, just to make sure you notice them) and some are a little more reserved, hanging back in the cut, close to my scalp, hidden, but just as precious as the rest of my hair. i can slick back my edges something fierce (shiny and smooth, too) or i can let my hair poof and fro, and frizz how it likes. my hair has automatic style, freedom, and all the versatility in the world. i can bun, straighten, twist, or let it be free.

hmm. sounds a little like me. ;)

and so these two months so far have been so rewarding and i'm looking forward to the journey.

but in more practical updates... now that i've found out how to make my hair cream work for me i am loving it! i just wish i could remember exactly what i mixed - i eyeballed it since it was just going to be an experiment. i've learned that i can moisturize on dry hair - it's a heavy cream and if i do so, it'll just make my hair stiff and greasy. so, i moisturize right out of the shower or i spritz with my spray bottle and then moisturize my head in sections. imagine my surprise when my curls sprang back to life, my hair was pliable and soft and just what i wanted. i've been told it also smells lot (strong) hot chocolate. not sure if this is what i wanted, but i'll take it. this'll be a good mix to combat the fall and winter, so i'm hoping it continues to perform.

i also tried a few acv rinses, so maybe that's helping with porosity. i can only hope so. i'm amazed that my hair has such personality and tells me what she likes and doesn't like. and she won't hesitate to tell me what SUCKS, either. but the same goes for what she loves. it's the "okays," that i'm having a time trying to suss out, but oh, well.

i've also noticed that i may have scab hair. my roots are smooth and soft and curl pretty easily, but i've noticed it's my ends that are rough, stick straight, no pattern, wiry. now, it could be just because they're ends, y'know. they ARE the oldest part of my hair, but i don't think they should look/feel like that. the dryness was so bad i thought about cutting again for a second, down to the head, like i wanted originally. i may just have to go to the barbershop and have it evened. i also may start picking out my hair to put an end to these pesky single strand knots! i cannot keep plucking strands out hair out of my head! bad! but luckily, i think this a problem with shorter natural hair. once my hair has length to weight it down, it shouldn't curl up on itself as much to make the knots.

and so there you have it.

am natural. and my hair is me.

04 September 2009

feeling the crunch...

so, first day of school and i got my first compliment from a stranger! on campus! she was with some table trying to get people to sign up for something. after my boyfriend politely declined, she said, "well, i'm loving your hair!" with real enthusiasm and gave me a wink. i was soooo happy! i cheesed for a good few minutes afterwards. she was natural, too. oh, the solidarity. <3

in other news. i'm starting to feel the crunch... the crunch of hair. not good. i got a good run out of my gel, but realized i need to focus on keeping my moisture levels up. i tried making a hair cream for myself and it's alright, i suppose. not quite sure how i feel about it. i think i'll just keep my mix to shea butter and coconut oil. there was a great video i saw on youtube that i might try. mix of shea butter, coconut oil, and oyin handmade burnt sugar - yummy. and it came out so creamy, too. i need to find the video and then give it another try.

until then, i'm going back to my shea butter and jbco and using up this elasta qp mango butter. i moisturize every day, so it may be trouble with porosity. i will try an acv rinse and see if that helps at all. sure hope so.

apart from that... could you believe i was once excited over the discovery of the single-strand knot? they're unique to natural hair, i've discovered and come by the dozens. when i first discovered them, i was so interested, that i would search and pluck hairs just so i could look at them. i've since stopped, but do feel the urge every one in a while. i've heard to just cut the ends or use a safety pin to work the knot out. hair's not long enough for the pin idea to be safe, so i'll stick with cutting. also getting hair that knots together at the ends, that i end up breaking a hair to get them separated.

just a quick update.